i.) is this darkness in you, too? / have you passed through this night?

ii.) the devil’s in my head and he won’t let me rest / i should pray a little more, i shouldn’t pray for death.

iii.) i’m drowning here on solid ground / i’ll step lightly lest I grow tired of the search for the cure for apathy, was it her?

iv.) and i could never find my way without you, but you’re already there / and we’ve come a long long way without maps in our hands.

v.) we’ll find its light inside each breath, behind our eyes / black out the moon, black out the stars, black out the sun and see what shines.

vi.) i fantasise about open wounds, allotting time just to dream them through / rage is the itch i’m not scratching, guess i’m overreacting.

vii.) if i can’t make it ‘till 2022, at least we’ll see how long i can swim / i sometimes wish she hadn’t found me on the night i tried to disappear, all at once.

viii.) i would never punish anyone to live like this, it is your choice alone / whatever happens, don’t let anybody see my face. don’t let anybody see my face.

ix.) the way the wind fires up in the west, low in the east, visions of grandeur / i never wanted any of this, take me away, i’ll never deny it.

x.) i’ll keep you safe. your darkness will be rewritten into a work of fiction, you’ll see  / as you pull on every ribbon, you’ll find every secret it keeps.

xi.) you won’t be alone, the clouds will part, the sun will smile and burn away the fear inside / my heart, my soul, be with me ‘til the end – stay awake, my heavener.

xii.) i had a knife, i had a knife but i cut myself wide / i never could hold the blade like i should, but i knew. yes i knew. i knew it would hurt, but i never did learn.

xiii.) cover your eyes, forget what you see / go west young man, let the evil go east.

xiv.) take these hands. what have i made them do? what have you made them for? / am i the only one left to sing at all?

xv.) if pride is a kingly crown, then on my head it’s overturned / i hear the simple swells of grace falling down like rain.

xvi.) but that’s not why i’m here, i came out here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long / i want to find you so bad and let you know i’m miserable up here without you.

xvi⅕.) don’t believe that it’s better when you leave everything behind / don’t believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die.

xvi⅖.) tell the truth for once, i want to bury every single thing, devour all the time i’ve lost / inside of every word i fear, singing ‘i don’t wanna go out and get high again.’

xvi⅗.) i spent a century on the run from the mythography we made / came back to see the world without you, everything was so serene, ugliest thing i’ve ever seen.

xvii.) oh god, i feel like every saintly fire was my fault / i am not welcome here, i am not welcome in this house i built.

xviii.) a hundred fading prayers sewn into woollen blankets / and my father’s rosary twisted around my frail, uncertain wrist.

xix.) baptised in bleach, i beseech thee / thirty thousand feet from god and grave, oh great nothing, i am saved.

xx.) you race in my heart, in your infinite eyes, that familiar spark / in a world full of light we can live in the dark, don’t you forget, my love, i’ve been yours from the start.

xxi.) and again, and again and again you stay sick, get your fix because you’re a shadow of yourself / is this it? is this it? is this it? this is sick, cave in.

xxii.) god, this can’t be. god, this can’t be. god, could it be that all we see is it? is this it? / god, does grace reach to this side of madness? i know this can’t be the great peace we all seek.

0.01 — even the eyes of gods must adjust to light / even gods have gods.

0.02 — created in the image of suffering / god marred beyond recognition – a redemption, a transformation.

0.03 — with loving eyes and tired sighs that flow, you have my attention / speak but a whisper, i’ll hear a sermon.

0.04 — because of you in spite of me, take my name, take my name / love was made for future you and future me.

0.05 — you never kiss me when we’re dancing, you just grab my shoulders trying to wake me up / i just want to make you smile on your worst day.

0.06 — let the impulse to love and the instinct to kill entangle to one / in this light you are mine ‘til the sweat turns to blood, won’t you say that you will, even if you won’t?

0.07 — and when the weight is gone, when they pick you up / i’ll be your rotting petals, i can be sentimental.

0.08 — lay your flowers by the pyre, give your eyes to the trees / you are the rope and i am the chair beneath.

0.09 — love, hunt me down, i can’t stand to be so dead behind the eyes / and feed me, spark me up, a creature in my bloodstream chews me up so i can feel something.

0.10 — it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to, hearing personal last names / calm the stutter, i could lie like you have to, just enough to make you wait.

0.11 — a heavy load the weight of love, a tongue of flames a welcome flood / a beating heart and us the blood, a beating heart, a beating heart.

0.12 — please don’t think of me like i’m your captor, what are you after? / don’t pretend with me, i won’t put it past her, it’s a disaster.